Chris Matthews and the confusion about paying women 'compliments'

Chris Matthews, veteran host of the long-running MSNBC show “Hardball,” resigned Monday after renewed criticism over on-air comments and sexist behavior, including accusations of making inappropriate remarks about women. 

In a piece for GQ last week, journalist Laura Bassett revealed Matthews flirted with her several times before she appeared on his show. In 2016, while she was in the makeup chair before a segment on sexual assault allegations against Donald Trump, Matthews said, “Why haven’t I fallen in love with you yet?”

Bassett said the interaction made her feel uncomfortable on air. In his final segment Monday night, Matthews apologized.

"Compliments on a woman’s appearance that some men, including me, might have once incorrectly thought were OK, were never OK," Matthews said. "Not then and certainly not today. And for making such comments in the past, I’m sorry."

Many of Matthews' viewers took to social media to criticize Bassett and express their dismay with her discomfort, at times outright mocking her. Why, they asked, was it wrong for Matthews to pay Bassett a "compliment"?

The reaction underscores the feeling of some in the #MeToo era, confused that remarks, which were long acceptable, are now viewed as problematic. Many think the movement has gone too far.

Analysis:It's been two years since the #MeToo movement exploded. Now what?

One user wrote, "That's really what it has come to. No longer is anyone able to give a compliment anymore." Another quipped, "I told my coworker I liked her single strap heels today ... I’m screwed tomorrow." 

Experts on sexual violence and gender say as much as men seek hard lines and definitive markers on what constitutes inappropriate behavior at work, context matters. How a person experiences a comment is based on many factors, said Laura Palumbo, communications director of the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. 

"Is there a personal relationship? Did someone comment on how you look right before you unveiled a big project?" she said. "You're going to feel differently if you're in a conference room with other people, if you're in the hallway, or if you're in that person's office and the door is shut ... There are a number of factors within the workplace dynamic that add layers to what is appropriate and what isn't appropriate."

Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker was incensed by Matthews' departure, tweeting that the two "flirted unabashedly for 20 years. This is an atrocious end to a noble, happy-warrior career."

"Two people had experiences that were similar, but they experienced them in different ways because of a range of other underlying dynamics," Palumbo said. "It doesn't mean that either is right or wrong or not telling the truth."

Parker's comments show it is not always the remarks themselves that are problematic. It's about who makes them, who receives them, the nature of that relationship and where they take place. It matters if someone has a friendship at work. It matters if someone is on a date or in a board room, or if they are running on the street or at dinner with friends.

Many other women took to Twitter to praise Matthews, though they were more cautious than Parker, noting that while they admired the journalist, they wouldn't minimize another woman's experience.

Matthews has a history of inappropriate behavior. He was reprimanded in 1999 for making inappropriate jokes and comments about a female employee. In 2016, he joked about sexual assault before interviewing Hillary Clinton in Iowa, asking staffers, "Where’s that Bill Cosby pill I brought with me?”

Bassett named Matthews after the host had an on-air exchange with Democratic presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren about allegations of sexism against fellow candidate Mike Bloomberg. Matthews took heat from many progressives for challenging Warren on why she believed a woman who had accused the former New York City mayor of pressuring her to have an abortion while she was his employee. 

That Bassett was in the makeup chair when Matthews made the inappropriate comments highlights the double binds women face. Experts say evidence suggests women have to do much more to maintain a professional appearance in the workplace. 

"It isn't about inviting further attention, it's about trying to fit the guidelines of what they're required to do to work, especially on a medium like TV," said Kate Mason, an assistant professor of sociology and women and gender studies at Wheaton College. 

Individual women have the right to decide what constitutes a violation, but experts say comments must also be considered within the larger context of women fighting to be taken seriously in the workplace. Many men are learning that comments about and interactions with women at work have never been professional.

Minimizing these "lesser forms" of harassment, experts say, is what creates a culture where more egregious, direct harassment becomes permissible. 

So what are men to do? 

Experts say they should consider not their intent, but how their comments may make a woman feel. If personal comments are made in a professional setting, there is always the chance someone will take offense even if they do not say so. Unless someone is sure the person on the receiving end won't feel uncomfortable, the best thing to do is probably to say nothing at all, they recommend. 

If one is inclined to pay a compliment in a professional setting, praise of a woman's job well done goes farther than a remark on her clothes or hair.

"It seems to be a lot more about power then the men giving the compliments realize," Mason said. "It's much more about asserting their right to define that situation as one where they're judging a woman's appearance, instead of one where there are two professionals having a conversation about their work." 

If you are a survivor of sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org/online and receive confidential support.