Jokes About Justin Bieber Crying Show Harmful Attitudes About Masculinity

By this point, we all know that the saying "boys don't cry" just isn't true. But while we might all know that boys are regular humans with emotions and, therefore, cry sometimes, some people still don't accept it. It seems outlandish that one set of people is restricted from showing their emotions, but Justin Bieber's recent spate of public cry sessions have shown this stigma pretty clearly.

Over the past few months, Justin has been seen in various public places having a good cry. Often, Hailey Baldwin is by Justin's side comforting him as he weeps — recently holding his face as Justin cried over some Butterbeer at Harry Potter World. There are many reasons Justin might be crying, but some on the internet have used his tears as the butt of a joke — one seemingly tied up in our collective ideas of what it means to be a man.

According to Wade Davis, a public speaker and consultant on issues of gender, race, and orientation equality, societal expectations on how men manage emotions have shaped public discourse and media coverage around Justin's emotional displays over the past few months. Because we only know the public part of Justin, not the nuances of his personality or life, Davis said society makes assumptions about him based on our collective expectations of how we think men act. This, he said, speaks to a larger problem with how we talk about masculinity and emotions.

"Traditionally, crying is antithetical to being a man," Davis said about our ideas of masculinity. "Not only is it unacceptable, but it’s an activity reserved for the weak — a la women and girls. If you are ever going to claim your place in the world and earn the label as a man, you must never be seen to perform the same emotional behaviors as women."

At least that's what toxic masculinity would have you believe — and research seems to back that up. According to the Harvard Business Review, studies have shown that men who cry at work are seen as more emotional and less competent than women who cry at work. And if men cry in response to performance reviews or feedback, they reportedly are then rated as worse performers and are less likely to be promoted. This, David M. Mayer wrote in the Business Review may show that men who stray from gender stereotypes face consequences, just like women who buck gender roles. In an essay for the New York Times, Andrew Reiner, a writer who has taught college courses on masculinity, also suggested that men might face backlash if they express sadness when he wrote that withholding emotion is a "hallmark of the masculine psyche," and men might experience "shame over feeling any sadness, despair, or strong emotion other than anger, let alone expressing it and the resulting alienation."

We see this in pop culture, too. The Washington Post noted that in the past, male tears have been used as a joke or to make men look weaker. On TV and in the movies, men crying is a laugh line, unless they are crying in one of the "acceptable" situations we've apparently selected arbitrarily.

One of those scenarios includes when men cry in anger. We saw this when Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh transitioned from tears to rage and back again when he was testifying before the Senate on the sexual misconduct accusations against him. For some, these tears made Kavanaugh believable. For others, they were manipulative. What they didn't do, however, is render Kavanaugh unable to succeed at work, or make him less of a man. According to Davis, Kavanaugh's tears were read as acceptable because they were for a noble, or manly cause — seemingly unlike Justin's.

"Many saw Kavanaugh’s tears as acceptable because they were angry tears in response to having something that [he seemed to feel] was his birthright taken away after years of self-determination and hard work. There are unspoken, unquestioned norms and standards around men and crying — tears of joy after a sporting match, or tears [after] a hard fought battle, or tears after witnessing something that affirms your manhood [like] the birth of a child are acceptable," Davis said. "Justin’s tears are read as weakness. Tears that signal the inability to handle what the world is throwing your way. Tears that don’t represent having the power to control yourself and others. Men are taught that we must be able to handle anything, therefore his tears are invalid and worthy of ridicule. And the ridicule and shame is meant to reinforce how Justin’s crying lacks nobility."

Rachel O’Neill, Ph.D., an Ohio licensed professional clinical counselor and Talkspace provider, told Teen Vogue that teaching boys they shouldn't cry, something she said starts early in life, can even lead to more anger and aggression.

"Equating crying with weakness can lead boys to feel confused when they feel sad and tearful. This confusion can lead to feelings of anger and frustration and boys may respond by externalizing those feelings, sometimes in the form of angry outbursts," O'Neill told Teen Vogue. "Over time, the internalization of the message 'boys don’t cry' can have a problematic influence on a man’s ability to self-regulate and experience emotional distress. Instead of accepting their feelings of sadness and allowing the emotion space, men may instead feel more comfortable with displaying anger or acting out aggressively."

But some say crying can actually be an effective way of managing stress, acting as an outlet of emotion.

"Crying is an act of self-defense against accumulating stresses,” Junko Umihara, a professor at Nippon Medical School, told the Japan Times. In Japan, the Times reports there are people called “namida sensei," or tears teachers, to tell students and workers about the benefits of crying.

And, O'Neill told Teen Vogue that holding in your emotions can actually have negative mental health consequences.

"Suppressing emotions doesn’t mean they go away. Often, suppressing these emotions could mean that they end up festering and turning into a more complicated response," she said. "For example, the original emotion may be sadness and yet, the individual ends up feeling a complicated mix of sadness, anger, and frustration related to the suppression of the emotion."

"Over time, bottling emotions, especially emotions of sadness , can lead to a cycle of anger," O'Neill continued. "The idea of toxic masculinity really fits here as men may believe that showing any emotion related to sadness is problematic and a sign of weakness. Thus, toxic masculinity may, in turn, become a response to try to compensate for that perceived weakness."

It's a vicious cycle. Masculinity norms makes men believe they shouldn't show signs of perceived weakness like crying, but not crying can spur an angry and violent reaction that's meant to be a show of masculinity. To break free from this, Davis said he hopes all people can learn to show emotion, regardless of gender.

"My hope is ... that we become disinterested in performing ideas of manhood or womanhood that we didn’t create for ourselves," he said. "I hope we (men) do the emotional labor of interrogating what we have been historically taught about crying, manhood and masculinity."

We don't know why Justin is crying, or whether he's intentionally bucking masculinity standards to redefine gender expectations for himself. Most likely, he's just crying because he's upset. But isn't that the point? Instead of projecting ideas of masculinity onto Justin or assume he's holding them within himself, we should just let him cry.

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