Sexual misconduct allegations: Some women could be overlooked if we're not careful

Sam R. Hall
Mississippi Clarion Ledger

There seems to be no end in sight to the number of allegations of sexual misconduct against public people that will be made. It's both a disturbing and liberating trend that is requiring many a person — mostly men — to pull their heads out of the sand and face the long, sad historic prevalence of sexual harassment and assault in the workplace and within social circles.

The clear pattern is that of men in positions of power or influence taking advantage of women — usually younger — who have felt helpless until now to come forward for fear of damage to their careers or livelihood.

For just about any woman who has been in the workplace or large social circles for any length of time, the number of allegations is not at all surprising. The same can be said of some men, though I suspect even most men who in theory know what women face are at least somewhat surprised. 

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Many men — if not most men — probably fall into the category who believe, "This happens in D.C. and Hollywood, but it's not like it happens everywhere all the time."

It happens everywhere. All the time.

A female friend and I were discussing the myriad allegations of sexual misconduct and what it means going forward. Most of her thoughts mirror what female colleagues and other female friends have said: It's good women are feeling empowered to come forward. Hopefully more women will feel empowered to come forward. Little will likely change for the majority of women.

The knee-jerk reaction is that, in light of all the allegations being made public, we as a society will make it easier for women to speak out and — more importantly — men will start to rethink their actions and exercise more restraint if not better judgment. 

It won't happen, at least not in most areas.

Hopefully there will be changes in Hollywood. Congress might even change the laughable circus a woman must endure when reporting sexual harassment or assault. And male public figures might at least use more discretion when making sexual advances, which I suppose is better than nothing. 

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Even if men in Hollywood, Congress and the public eye in general became the epitome of chivalry and true manliness, the overwhelming majority of women would still fall prey to unwanted physical and sexual innuendo, advances, harassment or assault. Most women, after all, don't work in Hollywood, Congress or the public eye. 

The female friend mentioned earlier has worked in both the public and private sector, though never for anyone in the public eye. She's around my age (I'm 41), fit and rarely anything but modestly dressed. Her first experience with unwanted sexual behavior came when she was 16 and working as an office assistant after school. Her boss — a man in his 50s — would leer, stand too closely over her when she was at her desk and often asked her to climb a stocking ladder so he could look up at her. 

She long ago grew accustomed to men inevitably glancing at her chest, if not speaking directly to it instead of to her face. She's felt the soft pats on her arms, shoulders and back that may or may not have been wholly professional, and at least one or two that were anything but professional. She knows even the men with whom she's worked for years, whom she respects, still look at her and other female colleagues inappropriately and sometimes slip into what has before been described as "locker room talk" though they are in the workplace setting. 

She is just like most every other woman. 

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In fact, she readily admits she is luckier than a lot of women. She's never had to fight off a male coworker who became physical. She's also unluckier than other women in that she's been the victim of sexual assault in her personal life.

I knew most of this, which is why I was surprised when she had such an indifferent, even jaded, attitude toward the allegations. She's happy women are coming forward, but she doesn't think it's going to change anything. Human nature is human nature, she said. It's been this way for women from the start, and it's not going to change. In fact, she wonders if all these allegations will somehow set women back. 

I didn't understand that last part when she said it. It made absolutely no sense to me. How could women feeling empowered to come forward with these sexual allegations be anything but good? While it may not bring about a massive culture change, hopefully it will lead to at least a modest one. But how could it in any way set women back?

She and I didn't have a chance to get into the particulars of her philosophy, so I did what I always do when I have a question about women. I asked my wife. She knew exactly what my friend meant.

I'm paraphrasing, but essentially my wife told me, "What if men in positions of power now start thinking, 'I have to be careful about what this woman might say or that woman might think.' It's hard enough for women to be treated as equals to men, so what if this makes it even harder? What if it becomes one more excuse not to give women the same opportunities as men?"

That's not to say women should stop coming forward. They should. But it is another warning, another aspect of this entire issue that we need to address.

Men in positions of power and authority who are not guilty of inappropriate sexual advances or behavior should not react to the ongoing events by inadvertently punishing female colleagues in an attempt to protect the women or themselves. They should continue to treat women with the same respect and in the same professional manner they treat male colleagues. And, if they aren't, they should be aware of their wandering eyes — which my wife says seems to be part of a man's innate behavior — and other seemingly minor actions that could cause women to feel uncomfortable. 

But the bigger concern is for women who work for or find themselves in the same social circles as men who are guilty of inappropriate, purposeful behavior. These women will not have the safety of the press to tell their stories. They will have to depend on their family members, friends, colleagues and local leaders to empower them and protect them. 

If we want this behavior to change so women are safer, are treated appropriately and are not preyed upon as sexual objects, then the discussion has to move from being about the latest celebrity, elected official or titan of industry whose past has finally caught up with him to focusing on our local workplaces, communities, churches, organizations and social circles. 

It can't be just women victimized by the rich and famous who are empowered. Any person who is a victim of inappropriate sexual behavior by any other person should feel equally empowered. And that will only happen when we stop ignoring the reality of sexual misconduct and start talking openly about it, demanding it not be tolerated and confronting those we fear — and especially those we know — to be guilty of it.