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For a lot of young people, how to be a man is a vexing question. Depending on who you ask what it means to be a man, you're likely to get different answers. For some, masculinity is defined by societal standards, some of which contribute to toxic masculinity. Things like restricting emotions, body ideals, and violence are often thought of as how you should or shouldn't act in order to be a man — things that grooming brand Axe has dubbed the "man box." Inside that box are a set of beliefs society holds about men, essentially containing them to a rigid definition of how they should act and appear. When men veer outside that box, they can face ridicule, isolation, violence, or worse.
But not everyone subscribes to the ideas in the box. Some are interested in deconstructing these societal rules, and instead letting each man decide for himself what it means to be one.
At Reimagine Manhood, a symposium on masculinity in Worcester, Massachusetts put on by Jane Doe Inc., young people from across the state interrogated their own ideas about what masculinity is and what being a man means. In the day-long workshop, these young people looked at how the patriarchy influences their daily lives, the role they play in that, and what manhood should and should not be.
In interviews with Teen Vogue, 10 high school students who attended the symposium summed up what being a man means to them. The one rule each of these young people seemed to agree upon about manhood is that there are no rules — as long as you're respectful, they all agreed that you are the only person that can decide what being a man means for you.
James, 17
Manhood to me means being who you want to be, not who you're pressured to be.
Jack, 18
Manhood means having the respect for others to step down, do the right thing. And also have the respect for other men to check them sometimes in a respectful way, because you relate to them and you should be able to connect with them on that level.
Rachel, 16
I think manhood is being secure in who you are and determining your own standards to live up to and not putting anyone else down for the standards they live up to.
Juan, 17
Manhood means to me standing up for others who can't stand up for themselves.
Joshua, 18
I learned that masculinity isn't defined. It is being who you are and standing up what's right to you, and not allowing others to tread on what you think is right.
Lydia, 17
I feel like masculinity is being mature and able to step down to allow others to succeed in places where you are socially allowed to succeed. Allowing others to step up.
Lily, 17
I think masculinity is definitely being confident [enough] in yourself to know and sense when something is not right, and having the courage to stand up for what you think is right. Just be a good, respectful human being and know that everyone deserves respect and love.
Joseph, 17
I think manhood is being part of a community while trying to still respect others and be who you are.
Sam, 17
One word, I would say respect.
Andrew, 17
Something I'd like to take forward is a quote by [symposium keynote speaker] Richie Reseda, "step down to step in." The way I perceive that is realizing the institutions that support patriarchy and stepping down from those, realizing those, and trying to work toward a solution so those don't exist anymore.
