In our culture, masculinity is inseparable from dominance and control. If a man is not dominant in his home and in his marriage, it is an affront to his identity as a man. Men police each other’s dominance with accusations of being “pussy whipped”, or as my husband has been accused of by men who think I have a few too many opinions for a woman, a “giant mangina”. It is an extremely enlightened, secure and self-aware man who is content to omit “obey” from marriage vows — and then to abide by that decision long after the wedding reception.